Resolution

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Seems like only a few weeks ago I was as busy as the squirrels gathering fruit and vegetables to get me through the winter. This is the first year in probably 50 that I picked grapes.  The heady, earthy scent of grapes and damp  leafy vines had me reciting Keat’s Ode to AutumnIMG 7888.

But on today’s walk along the Mississippi River there was a  feeling of calm resolve. Like the final chord of a song. Everything in place as it should be. The frenetic activity of harvest, transforming, changing colors, and gathering is fading with the colors. Bare branches stand against the crisp blue sky. The chill in the air reminds me that Winter is coming ready or not. But, there is a resolution of Summer. Gratitude wells and I feel more grounded. The grasses are heavy with seed. Even the Chipmunks have found time to play. I don’t feel rushed rambling along the riverbank with Mico. Even the river flows slowly along carrying the last of the colored leaves south to the gulf. I find myself humming Thanksgiving Eve.
Sunflower

THANKSGIVING EVE
(Bob Franke)

It’s so easy to dream of the days gone by
It’s a hard thing to think of the times to come
But the grace to accept every moment as a gift
Is a gift that is given to some

What can you do with your days
But work and hope
Let your dreams bind your work to your play
What can you do with each moment of your life
But love ’till you’ve loved it away
Love ’till you’ve loved it away.

There are sorrows enough for the whole world’s end
There are no guarantees but the grave
But the life that I live and the times that I spend
Are a treasure too precious to save.

As it was, so it is, as it is shall it be,
And it shall be while lips that kiss have breath;
Many waters indeed only nurture Love’s seed
And its flower overshadows the power of death.

Autumn leaves against a bright blue sky with the Mississippi River in the background.

What I learned being a parent

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I have two daughters**. One Millennial and one Get Z; 14 years apart. Both are now adults and the youngest lives on her own though I see her nearly everyday. My husband died 10 years ago when the youngest had just turned 10. Thankfully, we had laid a solid foundation as parents; but, we were also unaware of existing challenges. I continue to find myself in a parenting relationship to both women; although we are more equals now.

What I have learned:

From the first breath – NEVER be afraid to love and choose love. I am their only mother. Nothing is more important than my love and my expression of that love through kindness, time, attention, patience, and support.  They deserve my affection without condition. I believe they chose me to be their mother. However imperfect or challenged I may be; I never go wrong by putting them first.

Putting them first requires that I take care of myself as well; tending to my own mental, physical, and spiritual health. Two things get me through 1. Airplane safety (put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others) and 2. Remember to breathe (advice from a mother of four when I asked her advice on parenting multiple children – she told me to not forget my labor breathing exercises.) When in doubt stop and breathe.

Child development mirrors human development. Don’t expect your child to have a mature nervous system or thought pattern. Educate yourself on human development so you understand what is and isn’t appropriate for an age. For example, understanding of cause and effect isn’t really fully developed until a child is around 12. And, 3 year olds shouldn’t be “in their head” learning to read and write. In fact that’s really not appropriate until after age 7 and the change of teeth. Trust in this process!

Be a good example even when it means showing your weaknesses and flaws. 

Be emotionally intelligent. Probably the most difficult lesson for me to learn since I wasn’t raised with emotionally intelligent parenting.

Be in harmony with nature. Observe the phases of the moon & the tides. Watch how children behave in alignment with the weather and natural rhythms. Ever notice how sometimes at the grocery store it seems like every kid in the place is having a meltdown for no reason? Check the moon or environment.

You can’t please everyone. Set your intentions and infuse your parenting with purpose; but, don’t continually strive toward a goal or get attached to the outcome. Each child has their own life blueprint. As parents we are consulting engineers who remove obstacles and interpret the blueprint for them until they can take over for themselves. When I see myself as a guide and consultant, it’s easier for me to find the right action and words.

Treat the first child as through they were the 5th. Ask, “If I had 5 children would I be so concerned about this behavior or statement?” It really saves a lot of friction.

But, it is the friction of the bow that makes the violin sing; so, there will be friction. It’s my job to carefully apply the friction and tension to create melody.

Carefully choose your battles. Don’t ask too many questions and of course, don’t ask questions you don’t really want any answer to.

Parenting is not my job. It is my choice of relationship in the world. My value as a human doesn’t directly correlate to being a parent.

You will have challenges. Trust your purpose, their purpose, and the process. Guard against outside influence and criticism. Ultimately trust yourself and trust your child.

Keep the picture big! Don’t hyper focus on minutia. Think Globally – Think Universally. 

You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees & the stars. You have a right to be here. – Desiderata

 

**I had one boy who died at birth. Someday I will write about how he influenced me as a mother and as an individual. 

It’s 2022 What is your purpose

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Home depot by lazytea df8ny0It’s a new year with the words beginning and new being tossed about with a certain amount of shade being cast on the previous two years where we battled through a pandemic. But, what is really new? What are we beginning? Where are we going and why? 

I love liminal spaces – laundry mats, travel centers, parks, stores. One of my favorites is Home Depot. It is a home improvement store. Who doesn’t want to improve their home? And, seems like we are always on a quest to improve ourselves and our homes so a store that provides nearly anything one could need seems like a good idea – right? 

You park your car, don your mask and find your way through the double doors. First thing you do is grab a shopping cart and you’re off on your grand quest. There are several ways to approach the quest. You can meander up and down each aisle deciding what to put in your cart or you can have a list for your project or needs and navigate from section to section only adding what you need. Time passes and you are suspended from your routine life. You might greet other shoppers or sales associates or have something customized for you. I always find myself accessing the web on my phone to get more specifics, compare prices, or look up a location in the store. You go to the checkout and exchange your hard earned money for what is in your cart, load it into your car, and return to your routine life. 

Now, how do you feel? Did you accomplish your goal of feeling improved or at home? Or maybe your goal was to just transcend your everyday life for a moment where there are no rules or “right?” That’s ok too.

Does what you put in your cart serve your needs? How about your purpose? 

Imagine going into Home Depot with no list or goals. Just put in the cart whatever you feel like buying? Will you feel the same way that you would if you were working towards a goal or purpose? It’s an easy way to overspend.

Life is a lot like Home Depot. If we have a purpose or even just a goal, then our time is well spent and we don’t deplete our resources pursuing whimsy. Each day our shopping cart is empty. Probably the same old cart as yesterday. Are you seeking? Looking to improve? Searching for home? On a quest? Without a purpose in life you may spend all your time searching the internet or world for what to put in your cart. You might even overlook the fact that you don’t need anything in your cart at all. Just the experience of waking to the possibility an empty cart provides is enough. What is your purpose? What’s in your cart?

The Covid pandemic has changed our world. Many people have reevaluated their life purpose. I raised my daughters in Alaska. They were educated at home. In fact I could often be heard telling someone, “I put the Home in Homeschool.” Indeed we were home most of the time. We spent a lot more time at home than nearly everyone else. My husband went to work everyday but his weekends and evenings were spent at home. We rarely went out and pertaining didn’t take vacations. Mydaughters are quite comfortable staying at home for days even months. They have no need to go out in the world and learned to look within themselves and their home for what they needed. They have a compass for navigating the outside world because they know where their true North Star is. 

But, it wasn’t like that for me when I was young. I am a boomer. I was one of the first groups of American children to be sent to Kindergarten. Daycare, Pre-School, and all day Kindergarten were in full swing by the time my GenX sister turned 4 in 1970. She had way more television to watch including lots of “children’s programming.” We went somewhere every single day and our days were spent going from one classroom to another consuming. After 12 years we were fully programmed to produce and consume and weigh all our worth by our ability to fulfill the expectations of authorities. We never dreamed of choosing a life purpose or direction. And, the ability to stay home was never an option.

The public education system in the US is not about education at all. It is about programming and keeping people out of the job world for as long as possible. The  system is quite effective because over the last 20 years post secondary education expense has produced an entire generation of educated people who start their lives in debt that will follow them well beyond their children becoming adults (if they can even afford to have children or their own homes). Unless the program glitches, they will remain on the treadmill. The program feeds on itself and cycles endlessly.

Our health care system has us looking outside of ourselves for cures, remedies, and answers. Our true freedom lies in knowing ourselves and our purpose; yet at every turn the programming runs it’s endless loop. How many independent thinkers do you know? Or true free people that have a purpose and rise above their programming? How many people are actually comfortable with being at home anymore? You get sick or have a disability – you are punished by the program and now have lost even more freedom.

Covid shut down schools and workplaces. It challenged our economy in so many ways. Our values will need to change. It makes people very uncomfortable way beyond the physical health challenges. When we are asked to mask or vaccinate, or cut down on going places, we feel like our freedom is being taken away. Really? Isn’t life more than going, spending, consuming, being cogs in the gear of an economy that has no interest in the individual, independence, or freedom? The economic crash and subsequent dust bowl of the 1920s-30’s, WWII, and the Vietnam War had the same affect on different groups of young people causing them in reevaluate their lives. The pandemic has even caused us to reevaluate our affect on the global climate and environment. Those events turned families and communities inside out much like the Covid pandemic has.

What is in your cart? Are you staring it? What is your purpose? I struggle with this every single day. I had to teach myself to be happy and to feel comfortable at home. I had to learn to trust myself and not look outward for validation or balance.No, it’s not easy. You need a big picture of the world and a scheme to make it start to fit together. You do need to believe in something. Tap into that emptiness above the atmosphere where there is no weather.

It is a “new year!” Way beyond resolutions or revelations or even predictions; we need a new alignment within ourselves. We need a purpose and a direction. What does it mean to be a human being in 2022? The world and humanity will be stronger and healthier if we all stop and reach out – connect – create a community within and without that doesn’t pivot on consuming and producing. 

The pandemic has allowed me the time to research my ancestry. I’m convinced the whole concept of home changes each generation. My grandparents coming of age in the 1920’s had a totally different relationship with home than my Greatest Generation parents. My Gen X daughter has a different concept than my Millennial daughter. But, nearly all of my ancestors had some concept of freedom, individuality, and purpose. They survived because they relied on themselves and their community. Their values ran deep and they believed in something greater than themselves or their value as a part of an economy. 

Where are we going? What is your purpose?

Bullet Journal – Tao Journal Printables

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24 hour clock 5 element mockSo, I have been told by a professional that I am too old and “successful” to have ADHD. I guess they aren’t current on the whole issue of hyper focus and distraction. 

My current “distraction” is my bullet journal. Each year or I reprint references, current lunar calendar, monthly calendars, annual calendar, etc for my bullet journal. I’d sure like to be able to order it preprinted. HEY! That’s an idea! So, I’ve been busy designing my bullet journal for printing by Amazon KDP. This has a bit of a learning curve. I’ve had to compromise on a few things. KDP requires a title, author, publisher, ISBN, and a cover photo. Deciding on a name was difficult. I finally used my pendulum. It will be called Tao Journal. Since I don’t want to update the files annually and I want people to feel free to use the journal as they want to; I am making printable inserts available on Gumroad (and may Etsy in the future). I have also posted the links to my other website JadeSquirrelQi.com 

Eventually, I plan to offer pen holders & ribbon bookmarks for the printed Tao Journal; but, I want to hold an actual copy in my hand before I decide exactly what I will do. 

This is a labor of love that I hope others can benefit from the Tao Jouraal and printables; I’m keeping prices minimal so it’s not going to pay bills.

Visit my Gumroad Shop to see what I’ve been up to AND watch for news of the Tao Journal being available soon.

Buy my product

Eastons, Zabel’s, & Brennans Oh My!

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I now live in Brainerd, Minnesota. My mom reminded me that I had family here sorta. So I did some research. Remarkably, she lived to be 107 years old. I never met her but I did grow up on the property my grandparents bought from her sister. And, she sure looks like family.  Here is a rough sketch of how this branch of Zabel connects with the Easton and Brennan branch. Ellen & Ray were some of the nicest people you will ever meet. I know blog posts are better with photos; but, I just can’t find one that is appropriate.

Hank Easton married Amy Zabel (My Grandpa Mac’s sister)

Shirley Easton is Hank & Amy’s daughter

Which also makes her Ellen’s cousin

Ethel Esther Easton Hess is Hank Easton’s sister
She and Henry were born near St. Cloud (Fairhaven)
Ethel married George Hess and lived in Brainerd most of her life in a house next to where the YMCA is now
1877-1984 (107 years old)

They had one child. One was the pastor of the church
Her husband was a barber and owned several buildings in Brainerd. his family is also a longterm Brainerd family. They are all interred in the same section of Evergreen Cemetary.

Mabel Easton (Matthew) Brennan (who we bought the store from) is Ethyl & Hank Easton’s sister (thus also Ray’s Aunt)

Mabel, Ray, & Ethyl would be Grandpa Mac’s cousins (children of his sister Lenora (Nora) Zabel Easton

Raymond Calvin Easton – Henry Clay Easton’s brother
Making Ethel Easton Hess Ray’s Aunt
Ray’s First wife is Amanda Stave she died in 1963
Married Ellen Scharr 1964
Ellen Scharr Easton – Ray Easton’s second wife is Lenore (Nora) Zabel’s (Amy’s/Ray’s Mom’s Sister’s) Daughter – So Ray Easton married his cousin (by marriage)

Truman Easton married Ethyl Viola Zabel just to keep those branches hooked together. I can’t even get started between the Easton Scharr Zabel downline marriages. And, why why why did everyone name their kids the same thing?

Agenesis of Corpus Callosum Behavior

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I really like this from the National Organization for Disorders of the Corpus Callosum

Below is an overview of the behavioral characteristics which are often evident in individuals with DCC. Please understand every individual is different. The abilities and characteristics for each child or adult with DCC may vary.

Delays in attaining developmental milestones (for example, walking, talking, or reading). Delays may range from very subtle to highly significant.
Clumsiness and poor motor coordination, particularly on skills that require coordination of left and right hands and feet (for example: swimming, bike riding, tying shoes, driving).
Atypical sensitivity to sensory cues (for example: food textures, certain types of touch) but often with a high tolerance to pain.
Difficulties with multidimensional tasks, such as using language in social situations (for example: jokes, metaphors), appropriate motor responses to visual information (for example: stepping on others’ toes, handwriting runs off the page), and the use of complex reasoning, creativity and problem solving (for example: coping with math and science requirements in middle school and high school, budgeting).
Challenges with social interactions due to difficulty imagining potential consequences of behavior, being insensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others, and misunderstanding social cues (for example: being vulnerable to suggestion, gullible, and not recognizing emotions communicated by tone of voice).
Mental and social processing problems become more apparent with age, with problems particularly evident from junior high school into adulthood.
Limited insight into their own behavior, social problems, and mental challenges.
These symptoms occur in various combinations and severity. In many cases, they are attributed incorrectly to one or more of the following: personality traits, poor parenting, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, Nonverbal Learning Disability, specific learning disabilities, or psychiatric disorders. It is critical to note that these alternative conditions are diagnosed through behavioral observation.

In contrast, DCC is a definite structural abnormality of the brain diagnosed by an MRI. These alternative behavioral diagnoses may, in some cases, represent a reasonable description of the behavior of a person with DCC. However, they misrepresent the cause of the behavior.

Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum Revelation

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IMG 5045Well it’s been quite a week. First Mico had a vet visit which went very well; but, requires that I manage supplements, new food, and massage daily. Then my 2012 Hyundai Santa Fe needed a new Intake Manifold and apparently new spark plugs and valve covers for a whopping $1,200.  Then, Wednesday I needed to take the SUV back to the shop because it was overheating. 

The heat moved in with the wildfire smoke from Oregon & Canada so being outdoors became rather miserable. THEN early Friday morning Maybelle, my youngest daughter now 20, sent me her MRI findings via text. My world jolted into a new paradigm.

She has near complete agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. 

Agenesis of the corpus callosum (ACC) is one of several disorders of the corpus callosum, the structure that connects the two hemispheres (left and right) of the brain. In ACC the corpus callosum is partially or completely absent.  It is caused by a disruption of brain cell migration during fetal development. ACC can occur as an isolated condition or in combination with other cerebral abnormalities, including Arnold-Chiari malformation, Dandy-Walker syndrome, schizencephaly (clefts or deep divisions in brain tissue), and holoprosencephaly (failure of the forebrain to divide into lobes.) Girls may have a gender-specific condition called Aicardi syndrome, which causes severe cognitive impairment and developmental delays, seizures, abnormalities in the vertebra of the spine, and lesions on the retina of the eye. ACC can also be associated with malformations in other parts of the body, such as midline facial defects. The effects of the disorder range from subtle or mild to severe, depending on associated brain abnormalities. Children with the most severe brain malformations may have intellectual impairment, seizures, hydrocephalus, and spasticity.  Other disorders of the corpus callosum include dysgenesis, in which the corpus callosum is developed in a malformed or incomplete way, and hypoplasia, in which the corpus callosum is thinner than usual.  Individuals with these disorders have a higher risk of hearing deficits and cardiac abnormalities than individuals with the normal structure. Impairments in social interaction and communication in individuals having a disorder of the corpus callosum may overlap with autism spectrum disorder behaviors.  It is estimated that at least one in 4,000 individuals has a disorder of the corpus callosum.

EVERYTHING makes sense now. I’ve spent the past few days going over her life in my mind. All the signs were there. We came so very close to professionals who could have made the diagnosis. It took an optometrist to actually order the MRI. My emotions are all over the place: sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, relief, joy, surprise,… Shifting gears from trying to get her up to “normal” into supporting her as she discovers her new normal which can’t be ike anyone else’s takes a lot of fitness of the clutch. I’m doing research and reviewing all my thoughts and feelings form the past 20 years.

Here are some of my first impressions:

* Professionals like nurses, doctors, teachers, & therapists should be familiar with ACC and know the symptoms. Had one person had the basic information that my niece said she did get in her basic college level psychology classes, we could have known that Maybelle had challenges that were not related to her personality or work ethic. And, was not related to what we were doing with parenting, diet, environment, behavior modification. I could have known that I was trying to teach a fish to climb a ladder. Would have saved me so much energy and time not to mention have given her the early intervention she needed.

* I can’t know how she perceives the world. She cannot know how I do. We can have conversations and accommodations; but, we live in very different worlds.

* Those with hidden disabilities are frequently discriminated against. This is particularly problematic for people with ACC because they don’t have the social cues or context for how to handle it. It’s the point where discrimination becomes abuse. Also, professionals who think they know it all but don’t know about ACC will send her down trails to nowhere in therapy or rehabilitation. I need to find ways to identify this and help her to learn to identify this and deflect it. She needs to build a strong sense of self as a person with ACC.

* As parents and teachers (I homeschooled my children), we take on great responsibility. Sometimes this responsibility is misplaced. I was once told by my therapist that homework completion is between the teacher and student and not something parents should get involved with. We are tempted to think it is our responsibility to hack education or parenting to offer support and resources in the right way for each child. With Maybelle this was impossible. Her behavior was annoying – interrupting, inattention, deflecting, stubbornness, rejection, lack of interest in anything really, inability to perform physical tasks. I tool on responsibility for all of it. In this full moon, I have released all of that. It was something I needed to learn. It’s easy once the child reaches adulthood; but, not if one feels like you have failed that child. My doctor was concerned when May wasn’t toilet trained at 18 months. I wasn’t, “some children just take longer.” She was toilet trained at age 3. Her dad tried very hard to teach her to ride a bike or climb a tree. She only learned to ride a bike at 18 and is still not the best bike rider. Now, it all makes sense. As parents we sucked with May but how could that be when we felt so successful with Jean May’s older sister? Now – we know though May’s father is no longer around to share this revelation.

I will post again as we head down this uncharted trail. Be Happy! Be Kind! Count your blessings!

Training Brand: He’s getting it

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IMG 5111So, our training schedule has been a bit crazy this week. People family comes first though sometimes I wonder why. Brand is really catching on to sit, down, leave it, look at me, touch, and I think he’s gradually getting used to leash walking. He clearly has figured out that click means treat. We haven’t started any controlled leash walking yet; but, I’m sure it won’t be long. We went to the lake Friday evening. He loves the water and boats. Didn’t seem to mind the kids and went leaping through the tall grass and even out into the water. Found lots of smells and we did a bit of proofing on trash cans with noisy lids.

I will make a point of taking him out more in the dark. He is unfamiliar with shadows and will freeze and be apprehensive if we are near a street light. We encountered a bunnies and a kitten tonight. He was interested and did watch intently when one bunny ran across the road. Mico ignored it all. He is so over critters. His opinion of cats is – they stink. Brand was also interested in the lawn sprinkler. Hopefully, he doesn’t become obsessed like Jade is. I will make note of his progress there.

He is four weeks old now and weighs about 12 pounds. Mommy & Daddy are both large IGs but they have AKC CH titles. Mary, Brand’s breeder says he has his father’s head which is preferable to his mothers. Gotta give the little Duder credit for learning so quickly with huge distractions for every training session. Seems we can never lose all the distractions. I don’t have very good control over the environment.

Maybe tomorrow  my new motto.

 

 

Training Brand: Something Different

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IMG 4974Today was a little different. Jean took Brand to her room and he hung out while she was on Zoom with her friends. Good opportunity to have someone else handle him and meet his needs. He did very well. Later in the evening Jean did a bit of training with him so we could see how well he could sit, down, touch, and look for someone different. He far exceeded expectations including massive distractions from Belle the big fluffy English Shepherd. 

Belle & Jade want to participate too. But, being spoiled girls they think it requires an immense amount of sneezing and speaking.  Belle is working on her stays. She really doesn’t grasp the concept yet. And, yes, She is to be 9 years old in just a few weeks.

Mico and I went to the park again. I brought treats and the clicker to see if I can continue to get him to take treats and do a few simple things. Still no sit really; but, when he does inadvertently sit I am rewarding it.

We worked on Look. I think he’s kinda getting it. He’s so happy on our walks. He adores playing with Brand. Maybe we can address his issues with Jean this weekend. I’d so love for him to be a full member of the family.

 

 

Traning Brand: Social Scene/PetSmart

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IMG 5020This was a big day for my boys. They started out the day playing together in Mico’s crate. I’m so happy that the two boys get along so well. I have a head cold or maybe allergies. So, when Jean decided to go to Walmart, I suggested it would be a good opportunity for me to do a little socialization with Brand at PetSmart.  It was quite an experience. Lots of new things: dogs, children, toddlers, shopping carts, automatic doors, fish, kittens, loud seagulls, different surfaces ,and oh so many smells. He relaxed enough to accept chicken and even begged for dehydrated treats. He offered behaviors and bravely sniffed the shelves. He has a quick recovery time. He is very aware of the sounds around him more than anything. Things I never even pay attention to.

The weather is cool and cloudy so he seemed very comfortable; but, it was a long jammed packed session and he was one tuckered pup when we got home.  He did seem to watch out the car windows as we were coming and going.

So far no accidents with the indoor potty area. I’m a bit concerned that the transition to going outdoors will be rough; but, if he chooses to go in a potty area then I guess that’s the best thing.

When we got home I could hear a band playing in the park. Mico and I spent nearly 2 hours enjoying the music and activities at the park. He’s such a solid dog. He isn’t worried in the least about fireworks or loud music. He greet strangers as he should and seems interested in other dogs unless they look at him then he barks at them.  This is something we need to address.  

I subscribed to Pupford Academy today mostly to have some reminders. It’s been a few years since I’ve done serious training.  I was reminded immediately of the work by Karen Overall a dog behaviorist vet. Originally, I was thinking of that segment of the training for Belle; but, you know, now I really have some good ideas for working on the Mico/Jean relationship. His body language shows concern and if we start desensitizing; they might just become more comfortable in each other’s company.

Most of today was screensaver training which is not as easy on the trainer as it might seem. You need to stay attentive and flexible to control what environmental variables you can control and still be flexible enough to use what happens though it might seem to bother the pup. Training Jade was so much easier because I had no other obligations and could focuss on her 100%. Also, we were on a road trip so I didn’t have to look far for new experiences and people. There were some challenges to controlling her environment and some time issues for acclimatizing her to new things.  All in all her training and socializing went pretty well.

I don’t want to make mistakes with Brand since I want to show him and perhaps even compete with him. Great expectations for a smol wee guy.